Campus Safety

It is the mission of Monster University's Department of Campus Safety to provide a peaceful, orderly, and safe environment for all members of the campus community 24/7, 365 days a year. Our department is staffed by professional, certified Safety Patrol Officers. MU's Student Safety Patrol positions open the door for resume-building employment and contributing to the well-being of the campus community.

Peace of mind for MU's community members and guests is our top priority. We are available 24/7, making sure everyone arrives home safely. Safety Patrol Officers are also responsible for the enforcement of parking and traffic rules on campus, ensuring all guests and students have an equal opportunity to park within walking distance of most University buildings.

Recent calls to Campus Safety that required further investigation by a campus officer.

Tuesday, 9:17pm
Backpack reported stolen. Upon further investigation, backpack was found underneath pile of dirty clothing in dorm room.

Tuesday, 10:11pm
Fight reported at Armison Amphitheatre between two male students. Upon arrival, no sign of altercation. One female student at the scene called it "just a lot of slapping."

Wednesday, 8:55am
Campus Safety asked to investigate string of students' bouncing checks at local drug store.

Wednesday, 12:44pm
Reported theft from Monstrosities faculty dining kitchen. Reported one (1) sandwich and one (1) half-drank iced coffee stolen "even though I had my name written on it," said victim.

Wednesday, 6:30pm
Student campaign poster reported ripped outside Scare Hall. Now reads "Lease Lect Harles." All units on lookout for any poster fragment with letters "PEC."

Wednesday, 11:21pm
Students accused of "continually" lifting and transporting narcoleptic roommate to different areas of campus while asleep -- and leaving him with only minimal amounts of clothing.

Thursday, 12:08am
Four female students report prank phone calls from an unknown male caller pretending to be a lost human.

Thursday, 12:59am
Report of stolen vintage typewriter from dorm room. Dispatch sent officer to investigate.

Thursday, 1:43am
Three female students report being pelted by tossed fruit from roof of Chemistry Lab building.

Thursday, 3:14pm
Student accused of keeping unlicensed urn in room. Call initiated by agitated roommate. Upon investigation by Officer Barker, the student claimed it "contained the ashes my many, many good grades." Barker forced to stop the "slapping melee" that ensued.

Thursday 9:28pm
"PEC" poster spotted in dorm-adjacent dumpster, alongside piles of empty checkbooks.

Thursday 11:10pm
One of the Pep Squad's pom-poms reported missing. It was later discovered in the equipment room cozying up to a spare football.

Thursday, 11:33pm
Report of stolen microwave. No officer available to investigate.